Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I had to cum in my sink.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
