i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
