remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
