Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
one might say we're banned from that church
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
