Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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