I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
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At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
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I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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