He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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