The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
