idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
