Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
