i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
