I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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