Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
