Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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