He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
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