I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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