Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
