dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
