you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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