dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
