i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
