the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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