I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
