I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
