if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
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