How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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