I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
