I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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