I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
