You're my little dorito
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
