why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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