The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
