I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize