We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
