the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
