he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
