when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
nutella sex= disaster
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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