So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
