I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
