One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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