booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
