I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
