Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
