I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
