We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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