Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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