I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
