butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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