Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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