Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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