Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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