did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
