I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
