I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
