Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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