in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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