whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
