How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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