BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
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I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
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do you know where my other puke covered boot is
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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