I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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