her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
false alarm. still invincible.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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