She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
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well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
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For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize