I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize