I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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