My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
