I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
