Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
