the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
