Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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