you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
