I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
