i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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