So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
