just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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