direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
