i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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