Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
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i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
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He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
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