She said her name was "party"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
