Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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